GTFO...

From 1560 the Game's chat (www.1560.tv):

i_am_the_future: damn im tired.
i_am_the_future: i need to take a nap with machines mom.
machine: you know what's funny
machine: you not drafting
i_am_the_future: i guess.
i_am_the_future: i know you dont wants to f*ck with me cause i was number one in the league all last season
i_am_the_future: until the final bullsh*t two games.
machine: and who won said league?
machine: val
machine: pm me katy's email
machine: i need to send her an invite to join the league
i_am_the_future: im going to win this year.
machine: in what league?
i_am_the_future: yours puto
i_am_the_future: im still in
machine: you mean the one you aren't in?
i_am_the_future: you really did kick me out
i_am_the_future: youre such an asshole.
machine: just now
machine: yes
i_am_the_future: alright.
i_am_the_future: you just dont want to lose.
machine: like last year?
i_am_the_future: well if im out, im out.
i_am_the_future: machine kicked me out of his league.
i_am_the_future: for saying i wanted to take a nap with his mom.
machine: ::pic of sleezy's 4th place finish::
machine: wait, where are you on that list again?
i_am_the_future: machine its okay.
i_am_the_future: you know i would f*ck you up something awful.
i_am_the_future: and you kicked me out.
i_am_the_future: its all good.
machine: signed:
machine: ::pic of sleezy's 4th place finish::
i_am_the_future: you dont want to lose your own league.
machine: a. you weren't man enough to draft your own team
machine: b. you came in 4th place
machine: yet you still try and act like you did something
i_am_the_future: a. i didnt even know what i was doing
i_am_the_future: b. you coluded with val and make bullsh*t trades.
i_am_the_future: c. yous b*tch made.
machine: you're the only team i made a trade with
machine: maybe kg too
i_am_the_future: alright
i_am_the_future: well im out
machine: i know
machine: you don't have to tell me
machine: i'm the one that booted you
i_am_the_future: i mean im out in general.
machine: not like you had a say in it
i_am_the_future: im leaving.
machine: peace
machine: ::pic of sleezy's 4th place finish::
i_am_the_future: but you are one b*tch made ass bastard and i lost what little respect i had for you.
machine: so we're even then
i_am_the_future: you respect me
i_am_the_future: dont lie.
i_am_the_future: im everything youll never be.
machine: wait, didn't i just run you from my league?
i_am_the_future: uh huh.
i_am_the_future: a yahoo league.
i_am_the_future: fantasy football
i_am_the_future: wow you weild so much power.
machine: no
i_am_the_future: well go f*ck yourself.
machine: just shows how much "respect" i have for you
i_am_the_future: you'll learn to respect machine.
i_am_the_future: later ladies.
machine: i win
me_anyway: win what
machine: i don't know
machine: the internet?
machine: i wish miguel would have been here

Klingons, Insurance, A Tea Party and Returning A Coffin

From OMGRAWR...

shgjlsfg > anybody speak klingon??
shgjlsfg > que hable klingono?



Bobby Smyth > I sold 2 insurance policyes while playing eve today, what did you do
NoLSolid > Masturbate
damage done > solid wins



Nathan Rees > wonder what these guys are up to.. prolly gank squad?
Onyxalia La'fiette > they have a pilgrim and a falcon...they arent here for a tea party
Onyxalia La'fiette > :P



Jimblob > lol, guy in montenegro went into an undertakers and bought a coffin for cash
KwaLevu > hehe
Jimblob > opened it up and jumped in, produced a gun, put it to his head and pulled the trigger
Jimblob > paradmedics saved him as he managed to shoot himself through the chin and nose.
Jimblob > he is upset because the funeral parlor refused to give him a refund on the coffin
Kiera Lynch > roflmao
Kiera Lynch > every time I believe humanity can not get any stupider,, something always proves me wrong..
Jimblob > was going to say "and it's usually me" but that would look wrong somehow

FleshLight Chat...

Here's a chat session with a FleshLight Operator...

Pictures and such...

Taken from 1560.tv chat.

i_am_the_future: she is so fine
Tony_I_AM_A_TEXAN: it would be an honor for her to tell me "hell no"
Macka: why am I not a photographer?
Miguel: you don't have a camera
Macka: of course, it would be difficult to take pics with a huge hard on
Will: that and the numerous restraining orders
Macka: every pic I took would have my penis head in frame...
Macka: on the bottom..
Will: telephotolens?
Tony_I_AM_A_TEXAN: i want to be her underwear
Macka: Macka's "My Bad" photo studio.
Macka: is that a penis at the bottom of the shot? "My bad"
CraigMan: future draft pick
Will: shes hot
CraigMan: the black and white on the couch is strong
Macka: if I get reincarnated, I want to come back as her bicyle seat.
Tony_I_AM_A_TEXAN: macka..she used to come in studio in just a bikini with some other broad
Bickle: those pics and her here have reached a jack-worthy level
Tony_I_AM_A_TEXAN: u missed it
Macka: damn damn damn
Will: she has a real future in porn
Macka: I bet hoffy has wood
Will: but she has other options
Will: softcore porn, for instance
Tony_I_AM_A_TEXAN: if i didn't have morals, i would do porn
Tony_I_AM_A_TEXAN: with her
i_am_the_future: i dont think she would do porn
Macka: we can all hope
Will: tony, you tried to eff a video poker machine saturday night
Will: morals are not something you have to worry about

Choices

875652
MisVampyre: i'm so outta questions....i'm horrible at asking them
rhys_rhaven: questions are cute
rhys_rhaven: but the real way to understand a person is simple
rhys_rhaven: you wind a cord around the top of the biggest pair of stairs you can find
rhys_rhaven: and then you wait till a person is about to walk down the stairs, where they will obviously trip and have horrible things happen to them
rhys_rhaven: and then you walk 20 feet way. and you put a thing of frozen bacon in a skillet
rhys_rhaven: and you make the skillet so it can only be heated by a locked drum underneath it, which can be lit only by a single pilot light, which you then line with det cord trailing to a small mortar next to it. which you fill with kittens
rhys_rhaven: hungry, meowing kittens
MisVampyre: oh. my. god.
rhys_rhaven: And lastly you put a timer on the on the propane for the bacon. So they have a choice
rhys_rhaven: save the person
rhys_rhaven: save the kittens
rhys_rhaven: or eat the bacon
MisVampyre: you're awesome
MisVampyre: omg..eat the bacon
rhys_rhaven: Thats it. I love you

Swine Flu Part 2

More excerpts taken from a chat session hosted by:
SciGuy (Eric Berger)

You can find his blog and chat's here:
http://blogs.chron.com/sciguy/


11:51
Eric Berger: Hello everyone.

Today's live chat begins as the number of U.S. swine flu cases has increased to 64, including 6 from Texas. None of those cases are from Houston, although the city of Houston's public health department is still awaiting word from the CDC on "a few" samples it sent in yesterday. I expect word on this soon, probably today.

I also spoke with one physician who said he sees reason to hope the swine flu outbreak will not become pandemic, and we can talk about that during today's chat if you want.

[Comment From Bright Idea Guy!]
Should we drown all of the pigs in the floodwaters?
12:04
Eric Berger: No. I'm hungry. Whose bright idea was it to do this during lunchtime?

[Comment From Alan]
Is it true that swine flu hates you?
12:08
Eric Berger: You might try asking that question while standing in front of a mirror.

[Comment From Bright Idea Guy!]
I intended to get a pulled-pork sandwich at the House of Blues for lunch. Should I cancel those plans?
12:19
Eric Berger: I think not.

[Comment From Burt]
Eric, a friend told me that eating massive amounts of pork for a week would boost my immunity to the swine flu. Is this true?
12:39
Eric Berger: Does your friend own stock in a pork company? Because I wouldn't put much stock in his theory.

[Comment From SciGuy Fan]
Is it true that swine flu invented New Coke?
12:47
Eric Berger: All I know is that he better keep his grubby paws away from Coke Zero.

[Comment From Jasmine]
Will I be safe if I only speak in pig latin?
12:48
Eric Berger: Onay ouyay illway otnay ebay afesay ifway ouyay onlyway eakspay
igpay atinlay.

[Comment From Comic Relief]
Is the Swine Flu God's funny way of telling us Pigs can now fly? [swine 'flew']
12:49
Eric Berger: Dunno. I recieved an e-mail yesterday from a prominent university offering up "Swine flue experts" for interviews.

[Comment From Guest]
is it true that disease from swine is a sign of the apocalypse? i am worried that not all of my family has been saved yet
12:54
Eric Berger: I guess I'm not up enough on Biblical prophecies to answer that for you. I would say it's not a sign of the apocalypse, though.
12:54

[Comment From Burt2]
Eric, do you think perhaps the media is just hyping up the whole pig virus thing?
12:55
Eric Berger: Yes. We're all going to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

[Comment From Paul F. Tompkins]
Would you say that, between the flooding and swine flu, that local newscasters are having their Best Week Ever?
1:01
Eric Berger: I can't say that until there's a swine flu outbreak at a strip club during Sweeps Week that originated in the ice machine.

Backwards B

Touching Self, Rick Rolled, Parole, Dictionary, Russian

People keep asking me, "what's the deal with some of the Omegle chats" (the ones that say You/Stranger).  Well, some of my e-friends and I have turned it into a contest to see who can get the other person to disconnect first.  Here are more examples:

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hello
You: im touching myself while chatting with you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

Stranger: yo
You: what up
Stranger: not much
You: chillin like a dead corpse that I just had sex with...I'm a mortician.
Stranger: ................................................. . .....................,-~~'''''''~~--,,_
................................................. . ..................................,-~''-,:::::::::::::::::::''-,
................................................. . .............................,~''::::::::',::::::: :::::::::::::|',
................................................. . .............................|::::::,-~'''___''''~~--~''':}
................................................. . .............................'|:::::|: : : : : : : : : : : : : :
................................................. . .............................|:::::|: : :-~~---: : : -----: |
................................................. . ............................(_''~-': : : ::: : : : : :
................................................. . .............................'''~-,|: : : : : : ~---': : : :,'--NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
................................................. . .................................|,: : : : : :-~~--: : ::/ --NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN!
................................................. . ............................,-''':: :'~,,_: : : : : _,-'
................................................. . ......................__,-';;;;;:''-,: : : :'~---~''/|
................................................. . .............__,-~'';;;;;;/;;;;;;;: :: : :____/: :',__
................................................. . .,-~~~''''_;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;',. .''-,:|:::::::|. . |;;;;''-,__
................................................. ./;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;;;;;;. . .''|::::::::|. .,';;;;;;;;;;''-,
................................................,' ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;;;. . .:::::,'. ./|;;;;;;;;;;;;;|
.............................................,-'';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;',: : |__|. . .|;;;;;;;;;,';;|
...........................................,-";;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;',;;;;;;;;;;; . . |:::|. . .'',;;;;;;;;|;;/
........................................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;. . |::|. . . |;;;;;;;;|/
......................................../;;,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;;;; ;;; |..|. . . .|;;;;;;;;|
......................................./;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;'', |.;|. . . . ;;;;;;;|
....................................,~'';;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;;;;,-'';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|. |.;|. . . . .|;;;;;;;|
................................,~'';;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;',;;;;;;| |:|. . . . |;;;;;;;|
...............................,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;/;;;,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;;| |:|. . . .'|;;',;;;;;|
..............................|;,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-';;;,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;| |:|. . .,';;;;;',;;;;|_
............................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'_;;;;;;,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; |.|:|. . .|;;;;;;;|;;;;|''''~-,
............................/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;/_'',;;;,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ,;;| |:|. . ./;;;;;;;;|;;;|;;;;;;|-,,__
........................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'...|;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;| |:|._,-';;;;;;;;;|;;;;|;;;;;;;;;;;'''-,_
......................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'....,';;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;|.|:|::::'''~--~'''||;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;;,-~''''~--,
......................,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,'....../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;|.|:|::::::::::::::|;;;;;',;;;;;;;;;''-,: : : : : :'''~-,:'''~~--,
...................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'......,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;;;;;|:|:|::::::::::::::',;;;;;;|_''''~--,,-~---,,___,-~~'''__''~-
..................,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,'......../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;|:|:|:::::::::::::::|;;;;;;|.................. ...''-,_''-,''-,''~
................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;/.......,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;|:|:|:::::::::::::::|;;;;;|................ .............._''
Stranger: oh yah
You have disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

Stranger: hi

You: hey

Stranger: sup

You: nothing

You: just found out some good news

You: had to share with somebody...

Stranger: thats cool

You: I get paroled in a week!

You: and they say you can't get away with murder 

Stranger: ?

You:  Wanna meet up?

Your conversational partner has disconnected

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi. i am searching for the person who i just had a long conversation with a while ago and connection asploded.

You: You should search for a dictionary.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

Stranger: Hi

Stranger: From?

You: russia

You: you

Stranger: France

Stranger: M or F?

You: yes, good

You: I am have both parts

You: you like sexy chat?

Stranger: Yeah

You: I much like sexy chat to.

Stranger: Do you have a pic?

You: what is pic?

Stranger: Photo

You: OH, I to sorry, no

You: but have vagina and 5 inch penis for fun tonight

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Obama, MMA, Fashion, etc...

881642
RAD_ED: ...
RAD_ED: their making a REAL obama coin
RAD_ED: it looks retarded
Shark500: is it made of chocolate?
RAD_ED: lol


881405
xou: What's MMA?
syL: Mixed martial arts...basically grown men dryhumping in missonary position


881349
@Xenon: You know what the best feeling in the world is?
@Xenon: It is when you have a headache, and you take pills, and you can feel the pain becoming less and less every couple of minutes
@Xenon: It's so satisfying
@malevolence: you've clearly never been laid


879746
Dunfckwitmeh: when muslim women come to my door i talk to them through the mail slot, see how they like it


877811
Spiff-Johnson: So i bought a shirt from express men.. does that make me gay?
cool4dude: no, the fact that you have sex with men makes you gay
cool4dude: the shirt just makes you a stereotype

Swine Flu Chat Part 1

Taken from a chat session hosted by SciGuy (Eric Berger)
http://blogs.chron.com/sciguy/


2:50
Eric Berger: Good afternoon, everyone. I'm here to try and answer any questions you have with regard to the swine flu outbreak. Given that 2 percent of tweets now reference swine flu, I think it's safe to say a lot of people are talking about it.

So let's do just that.
3:01
[Comment From Jimbo]
Eric. You do great work. Is it true that you can build your immunity to this illness by eating Pork?
3:02
Eric Berger: No. And it's also not true that you can get the illness by eating pork.
3:04
[Comment From Dennis]
Should i go buy those Masks now... And is that going to create more Panic if i am wearing one at a grocery store in Mid Town?
3:05
Eric Berger: I think masks will give you a false sense of security. The easiest way to get the disease is by touching a door knob or grocery cart after someone who is sick has used it. You're better off washing your hands than wearing a mask in most circumstances.
3:09
[Comment From Guest]
Can I punch the next person that asks if they need to stop eating pork? Punch them right in the face...
3:09
Eric Berger: Only if they're from Katy.
3:26
[Comment From Riff Raff]
I eat a lot of Bacos on my salads. Should I wash them before putting them on the salad or not?
3:26
Eric Berger: No, no need to wash your Bacos.
4:04
[Comment From OoO]
FYI. If Eric is doing a Live Chat about this, then we're ALL GONERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAME OVER MAN....... GAME OVER!!!!!
4:03
[Comment From TMCist]
Should I consult an oinkologist?
4:03
[Comment From Running Scared in Katy]
Is my dog safe from the pandemic if I tie him up outside and keep him away from doorknobs and shopping carts?
4:03
[Comment From Guest]
im cooking pork chops tonight. shall i serve my husband extra servings?

(Thanks to Hill for this find)

How far can you throw a pineapple?

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hii
You: How far do you think you can throw a pineapple by just holding it by the stem?
Stranger: Not too far
Stranger: but that was really interesting
You: Like, 8-10 yards?
You: I think you probably couldn't throw it too hard, because the stem would break.
Stranger: wouldnt it just fall?
Stranger: thats what i was thinking
Stranger: is this some sort of iq questions?
Stranger: cuz i havnt really played around with much pineapples
You: No, I was planning on throwing some pinapples at people out of my car later. I'll probably just stick with cantelopes.
Stranger: niiice
Stranger: dont get arrested
Stranger: and dude, dont hit old people
You: Mostly just the homeless. They need a balanced diet and stuff. It's more of a community service than anything.
Stranger: That is so generous
You: I am a very generous soul.
You: I like to share myself in various ways.
You: Mostly just the fist and feet part of myself, though.
Stranger: by throwing food
Stranger: You wana hear a joke
You: I love jokes. Go for it.
Stranger: KNOCK KNOCK
You: Who is there?
Stranger: byeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Alt F4

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: sup
Stranger: press alt F4
You: i dont have an alt f4 key
Stranger: no
Stranger: hold alt
Stranger: then press F4
You: what will happen?
Stranger: it opens a new window
You: i only want one window open, my computer is slow already
Stranger: nah press it
You: but thank you for your advice, albeit forceful
Stranger: oh sorry
Stranger: i didnt mean to be forceful
You: lets get serious, i will f*ck you until you love me, faggot
Stranger: in all honesty it actually closes your window
Stranger: . . . right
Stranger: now where did that come from little matey?
You: do you doubt my powers?
Stranger: yeah!
Stranger: ok
You: i have made 5 married men homosexuals before
Stranger: what country am i from "all powerful one" . . . ?
You: and its time to take the show on the road
Stranger: yeeaahhh . . . your really boring actually
You: my powers involve butt sex with men, not ip address acquistion, friend
Stranger: no fun
Your conversational partner has disconnected.