Choices

875652
MisVampyre: i'm so outta questions....i'm horrible at asking them
rhys_rhaven: questions are cute
rhys_rhaven: but the real way to understand a person is simple
rhys_rhaven: you wind a cord around the top of the biggest pair of stairs you can find
rhys_rhaven: and then you wait till a person is about to walk down the stairs, where they will obviously trip and have horrible things happen to them
rhys_rhaven: and then you walk 20 feet way. and you put a thing of frozen bacon in a skillet
rhys_rhaven: and you make the skillet so it can only be heated by a locked drum underneath it, which can be lit only by a single pilot light, which you then line with det cord trailing to a small mortar next to it. which you fill with kittens
rhys_rhaven: hungry, meowing kittens
MisVampyre: oh. my. god.
rhys_rhaven: And lastly you put a timer on the on the propane for the bacon. So they have a choice
rhys_rhaven: save the person
rhys_rhaven: save the kittens
rhys_rhaven: or eat the bacon
MisVampyre: you're awesome
MisVampyre: omg..eat the bacon
rhys_rhaven: Thats it. I love you

Swine Flu Part 2

More excerpts taken from a chat session hosted by:
SciGuy (Eric Berger)

You can find his blog and chat's here:
http://blogs.chron.com/sciguy/


11:51
Eric Berger: Hello everyone.

Today's live chat begins as the number of U.S. swine flu cases has increased to 64, including 6 from Texas. None of those cases are from Houston, although the city of Houston's public health department is still awaiting word from the CDC on "a few" samples it sent in yesterday. I expect word on this soon, probably today.

I also spoke with one physician who said he sees reason to hope the swine flu outbreak will not become pandemic, and we can talk about that during today's chat if you want.

[Comment From Bright Idea Guy!]
Should we drown all of the pigs in the floodwaters?
12:04
Eric Berger: No. I'm hungry. Whose bright idea was it to do this during lunchtime?

[Comment From Alan]
Is it true that swine flu hates you?
12:08
Eric Berger: You might try asking that question while standing in front of a mirror.

[Comment From Bright Idea Guy!]
I intended to get a pulled-pork sandwich at the House of Blues for lunch. Should I cancel those plans?
12:19
Eric Berger: I think not.

[Comment From Burt]
Eric, a friend told me that eating massive amounts of pork for a week would boost my immunity to the swine flu. Is this true?
12:39
Eric Berger: Does your friend own stock in a pork company? Because I wouldn't put much stock in his theory.

[Comment From SciGuy Fan]
Is it true that swine flu invented New Coke?
12:47
Eric Berger: All I know is that he better keep his grubby paws away from Coke Zero.

[Comment From Jasmine]
Will I be safe if I only speak in pig latin?
12:48
Eric Berger: Onay ouyay illway otnay ebay afesay ifway ouyay onlyway eakspay
igpay atinlay.

[Comment From Comic Relief]
Is the Swine Flu God's funny way of telling us Pigs can now fly? [swine 'flew']
12:49
Eric Berger: Dunno. I recieved an e-mail yesterday from a prominent university offering up "Swine flue experts" for interviews.

[Comment From Guest]
is it true that disease from swine is a sign of the apocalypse? i am worried that not all of my family has been saved yet
12:54
Eric Berger: I guess I'm not up enough on Biblical prophecies to answer that for you. I would say it's not a sign of the apocalypse, though.
12:54

[Comment From Burt2]
Eric, do you think perhaps the media is just hyping up the whole pig virus thing?
12:55
Eric Berger: Yes. We're all going to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

[Comment From Paul F. Tompkins]
Would you say that, between the flooding and swine flu, that local newscasters are having their Best Week Ever?
1:01
Eric Berger: I can't say that until there's a swine flu outbreak at a strip club during Sweeps Week that originated in the ice machine.

Backwards B

Touching Self, Rick Rolled, Parole, Dictionary, Russian

People keep asking me, "what's the deal with some of the Omegle chats" (the ones that say You/Stranger).  Well, some of my e-friends and I have turned it into a contest to see who can get the other person to disconnect first.  Here are more examples:

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hello
You: im touching myself while chatting with you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

Stranger: yo
You: what up
Stranger: not much
You: chillin like a dead corpse that I just had sex with...I'm a mortician.
Stranger: ................................................. . .....................,-~~'''''''~~--,,_
................................................. . ..................................,-~''-,:::::::::::::::::::''-,
................................................. . .............................,~''::::::::',::::::: :::::::::::::|',
................................................. . .............................|::::::,-~'''___''''~~--~''':}
................................................. . .............................'|:::::|: : : : : : : : : : : : : :
................................................. . .............................|:::::|: : :-~~---: : : -----: |
................................................. . ............................(_''~-': : : ::: : : : : :
................................................. . .............................'''~-,|: : : : : : ~---': : : :,'--NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
................................................. . .................................|,: : : : : :-~~--: : ::/ --NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN!
................................................. . ............................,-''':: :'~,,_: : : : : _,-'
................................................. . ......................__,-';;;;;:''-,: : : :'~---~''/|
................................................. . .............__,-~'';;;;;;/;;;;;;;: :: : :____/: :',__
................................................. . .,-~~~''''_;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;',. .''-,:|:::::::|. . |;;;;''-,__
................................................. ./;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;;;;;;. . .''|::::::::|. .,';;;;;;;;;;''-,
................................................,' ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;;;. . .:::::,'. ./|;;;;;;;;;;;;;|
.............................................,-'';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;',: : |__|. . .|;;;;;;;;;,';;|
...........................................,-";;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;',;;;;;;;;;;; . . |:::|. . .'',;;;;;;;;|;;/
........................................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;. . |::|. . . |;;;;;;;;|/
......................................../;;,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;;;; ;;; |..|. . . .|;;;;;;;;|
......................................./;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;'', |.;|. . . . ;;;;;;;|
....................................,~'';;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;;;;,-'';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|. |.;|. . . . .|;;;;;;;|
................................,~'';;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;',;;;;;;| |:|. . . . |;;;;;;;|
...............................,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;/;;;,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;;| |:|. . . .'|;;',;;;;;|
..............................|;,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-';;;,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;| |:|. . .,';;;;;',;;;;|_
............................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'_;;;;;;,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; |.|:|. . .|;;;;;;;|;;;;|''''~-,
............................/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;/_'',;;;,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ,;;| |:|. . ./;;;;;;;;|;;;|;;;;;;|-,,__
........................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'...|;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;| |:|._,-';;;;;;;;;|;;;;|;;;;;;;;;;;'''-,_
......................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'....,';;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;|.|:|::::'''~--~'''||;;;;;|;;;;;;;;;;,-~''''~--,
......................,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,'....../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;|.|:|::::::::::::::|;;;;;',;;;;;;;;;''-,: : : : : :'''~-,:'''~~--,
...................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'......,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;;;;;|:|:|::::::::::::::',;;;;;;|_''''~--,,-~---,,___,-~~'''__''~-
..................,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,'......../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;|:|:|:::::::::::::::|;;;;;;|.................. ...''-,_''-,''-,''~
................../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;/.......,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;|:|:|:::::::::::::::|;;;;;|................ .............._''
Stranger: oh yah
You have disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

Stranger: hi

You: hey

Stranger: sup

You: nothing

You: just found out some good news

You: had to share with somebody...

Stranger: thats cool

You: I get paroled in a week!

You: and they say you can't get away with murder 

Stranger: ?

You:  Wanna meet up?

Your conversational partner has disconnected

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi. i am searching for the person who i just had a long conversation with a while ago and connection asploded.

You: You should search for a dictionary.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

Stranger: Hi

Stranger: From?

You: russia

You: you

Stranger: France

Stranger: M or F?

You: yes, good

You: I am have both parts

You: you like sexy chat?

Stranger: Yeah

You: I much like sexy chat to.

Stranger: Do you have a pic?

You: what is pic?

Stranger: Photo

You: OH, I to sorry, no

You: but have vagina and 5 inch penis for fun tonight

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Obama, MMA, Fashion, etc...

881642
RAD_ED: ...
RAD_ED: their making a REAL obama coin
RAD_ED: it looks retarded
Shark500: is it made of chocolate?
RAD_ED: lol


881405
xou: What's MMA?
syL: Mixed martial arts...basically grown men dryhumping in missonary position


881349
@Xenon: You know what the best feeling in the world is?
@Xenon: It is when you have a headache, and you take pills, and you can feel the pain becoming less and less every couple of minutes
@Xenon: It's so satisfying
@malevolence: you've clearly never been laid


879746
Dunfckwitmeh: when muslim women come to my door i talk to them through the mail slot, see how they like it


877811
Spiff-Johnson: So i bought a shirt from express men.. does that make me gay?
cool4dude: no, the fact that you have sex with men makes you gay
cool4dude: the shirt just makes you a stereotype